“I need to live life. And I’d hate dying; it would ruin my image.” — Jack LaLanne
I plan on living forever. Why die? There’s so much to do on this planet. So many cool people to meet. So much to see. I
‘m finally going to reveal my super-secret plan to live forever!
I must confess. I’ve always had an irrational fear of dying. I’m literally terrified of death. I had a horrible nightmare when I was like 10 years old. I’ve been confused about death ever since. I get really worried. I start to think about insane questions:
- Where will I go when I die?
- What’s going to happen to me?
- Will life really go on?
I eased my mind a little bit when I read an interesting theory in The 4-Hour Workweek:
“If you can’t define it or act upon it, forget it. If you take just this point from this book, it will put you in the top 1% of performers in the world and keep most philosophical distress out of your life.”
With that being said, I plan on living forever. I’m now in my mid-20s and feeling better than ever.
My grandma in Poland recently turned 90. She’s still going strong lecturing the neighbourhood kids. I plan on hitting the gym and talking smack to anyone that will listen when I’m 90. I’m going to tell the young punks about what life was like before the Internet.
What’s my plan for living forever? How am I going to accomplish this feat?
1. Lift heavy/stay fit.
I plan on always pushing my body and my personal limits. I love to lift weights, get a cardio burn, and push my body as much as possible. Life’s too short to settle for anything less.
The reason that many of us are bored in my opinion is because there’s no challenge in our lives. We go to the same job on the same bus route. We come home to the same partner. We hang out with the same friends that tell the same stories. We look forward to getting wasted and drinking beer. We don’t push ourselves. We don’t work out. We don’t try to beat personal records.
Weight lifting, resistance training, cross-fit or whatever you want to call it, are the best ways to stay mentally and physically sharp. I’m addicted to working out. I love the challenge. I love the rush. I love to set new records. I get such a buzz from a workout. When I have no motivation or am feeling lethargic, I bust out some kettlebell swings in my room. The blood starts flowing and I’m buzzing with ideas.
[Must read: 7 Scary Things I Dare You to Do.]
But wait — is it even possible to train as you get older?
Look at former WWWF (not a typo) champion, Bruno Sammartino. He’s 80 and pushing the weights to the max. We all have an older relative or know that person who’s much older and still training hard.
I’ve heard every single excuse in the book for not working out: family, work, busy, commitments, and so forth. Then I’ll hit up the gym and get schooled by some 50-year old who has kids older than me. I’ve been beat up in kickboxing classes, out-lasted in kettlebell classes, and humbled with heavy lifting by older dudes. I remember half-way through a kettlebell class I wanted to quit. Then some 40-year old soccer mom laughed at me.
While there are excuses to stop training when you get older, if you really want something, you’ll do it. If you don’t want to do it, you’ll create excuses.
What are the other benefits of strength training?
According to the Mayo Clinic, there are many positives to busting your ass in the gym:
- Develop strong bones.
- Reduce risk of injury.
- Sharpen your focus.
- Boost stamina.
- Control weight.
There’s one more benefit — look great naked.
While attitude and confidence will help you in your relationships and sex life, it doesn’t hurt to look like an Adonis. It’s much easier to live forever and have an insatiable hunger for life when you look your best.
2. Eat well and ditch the garbage.
It’s going to be difficult to live forever if you plan on eating garbage. Junk food is a killer. It will make you look and feel horrible. Do you want to be a bulbous manatee?
What’s the big deal with junk food?
- Kills your energy.
- Gets you fat.
- Can damage your liver and your heart.
Now before you think that I’m preaching, let’s ask a common question.
Should you cut out all junk food?
Not at all. Don’t get me wrong, I love my junk food and cheat days. We just can’t do this everyday. Nobody enjoys pizza as much as me. I just do my best to earn these meals and to eat junk as rarely as possible. You can’t live forever if you have clogged arteries or no energy from eating all of that crap.
We all need rest. Your body and mind both need it. You can’t function or live forever if you don’t get your rest in.
I realize that it’s a badge of honor to brag about how little sleep you get and to be all wired on caffeine. I used to be like this. I thought it was cool to sleep 4 hours, chug some red bulls, and brag to everyone how sleep is for the weak. Great. See how far that gets you.
You need to get some sleep to perform at your best.
What are the main benefits of sleep?
According an article on About.com, the main benefits of getting a quality rest are:
- Increased alertness.
- Sleep allows your body to make repairs to itself.
- May reduce risks for depression.
- May help you lose weight.
- Reduces stress.
Oh and bonus tip: you’re not a cranky prick when you’re well-rested!
What if you don’t sleep enough?
According to Harvard, the consequences of sleep are:
“In the short term, a lack of adequate sleep can affect judgment, mood, ability to learn and retain information, and may increase the risk of serious accidents and injury. In the long term, chronic sleep deprivation may lead to a host of health problems including obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and even early mortality.”
What if you don’t have time to sleep?
Then you need to figure something out. I try to plan for “sleep in days” (self-explanatory). I also believe in planning trips and mini-escapes. You just have to earn your freedom. Rest is a great reward for a job well done. I’m too impatient to wait for what I want. I work hard instead. Sleep is my reward. Sometimes I settle for a week on the beaches of the Dominican Republic during a harsh Canadian winter.
Do you need all three? Diet, fitness, and sleep?
“The foundations of good health are good diet, good exercise and good sleep, but two out of three doesn’t get you there.” — Dr. Anne Calhoun
You don’t have to listen to me. Try it out for yourself. Pump your hardest, eat a nice meal after, and catch some rest. See how freaking amazing you feel. Your friends will notice. You’ll feel on top of the world. You’ll live longer. You’re welcome.
4. Kill stress.
Do you have toxic people in your life? Are you always stressed out? Do you smoke or drink just to ease the tension?
If you answered yes or even maybe to any of those questions, it’s time for a change! You won’t last long on this planet if you’re always stressed out looking for a smoke or a drink. Plus, it’s much better to go for a run when stressed instead of drinking. Alcohol only makes things worse when you’re already in a bad mood.
How can you naturally kill stress?
- Learn to say no. You don’t have to take on every single problem. You can say no. It’s important that you turn things down when you already have a ton on your plate. You have to take care of yourself first if you want to live forever.
- Cut out the stressful people in your life. I’ll never understand why anyone would put up with a stressful person? Just yesterday, a buddy was stressing while texting one girl he liked and worried about how another girl he liked before wasn’t responding. Who cares? There’s an abundance of potential partners out there and friends. You should never settle for less. Cut out all toxic people from your life. It’s YOUR life.
- Work on what you can control. If you’re stressing over exams, well then buckle down and study. I believe in controlling what we can right away. Your life will spiral out of control if you don’t take charge.
- Grab life by the balls. The tips in this article will help you live forever. You just have to be willing to apply them. Instead of always reacting, you should try to act first. You can’t let anyone push you around. You certainly shouldn’t always just be reacting.
“Stress is the trash of modern life – we all generate it but if you don’t dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life.” — Terri Guillemets
“A smile costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.” — Dale Carnegie
Do you know what my favorite curve on a female is? The smile! Alright, sorry for the corny line. I love to smile, laugh, and joke around. There’s not a second to waste.
According to Yahoo Lifestyle, the following results can come from a simple smile:
- Immune system boost.
- Mood change.
- Natural high.
- You’ll be remembered.
- Melts hearts (GUILTY!).
How does that old saying go? It’s not about how many times you get knocked down that matters. It’s about how many times you stand back up. Life gives us many reasons not to smile. That’s understandable. You just need to show the world that you don’t give a shit. Keep on smiling!
The best part of being an adult is acting like a child. Stop being so serious.
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” — Gandhi
6. Lots of sex.
“Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.” — Marilyn Monroe
Who are we kidding? Sexy is VERY important!
Not that I needed proof that sex is good, but I still checked out WebMD to see what they had to say about the benefits of sex:
- Better self-esteem.
- Improved heart health.
- Less stress.
- Calories are burned.
- Easier to sleep after.
- Reduces the risk of prostate cancer (SERIOUSLY!)
Do your best to have sex. Find a long-term partner, casual partner, go out often, get married — whatever works for you. Whatever your preference. Just get out there and enjoy it. You’ll live a lot longer.
“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.” — Johnny Carson
7. Taking the right vitamins.
Vitamins are important. I take my vitamins daily with a meal. I never get sick and I’m always feeling pretty damn great. While I do understand that vitamins will never replace the role of food, I do feel that they serve a critical role in maintaining amazing health.
What vitamins do I take?
- Vitamin C.
- Vitamin D.
- Fish oil.
Most of us need more of vitamin D, especially in the winter months. You really have nothing to lose by taking your vitamins. You can find them on sale usually and they help you.
I won’t get into any more details on vitamins because there are all sorts of debates on the role of vitamins online. For more scientific evidence and discussion, I would recommend a few quick Google searches.
“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” — Walt Disney
You ready to live forever?
(Editors note: bad things happen to good people. This article didn’t factor in random tragedies. If I do get run over by a bus or shot up in the middle of a huge love triangle, please still try to follow my tips in this article.)
There’s no benefit to feeling sorry for yourself. You can follow these rules and feel like you’re winning every single day or you can go back to posting useless motivational quotes.